I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
