I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
