I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
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she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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