Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is Oprah even human
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
