I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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