dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
tell me about the eggs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
