Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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