so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
