It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
