he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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