OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
