another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You may now shotgun with the bride
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
