Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
