Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
