In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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