i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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