I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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