I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
