Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
