He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
