im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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