Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
