Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
