I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
