He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
