Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
