do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
