Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Soap is not a condiment
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
