i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
