No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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