The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
