shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
