If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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