Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
