mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
