think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
