just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
