drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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