YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
