just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
