i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
