Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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