not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize