We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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