He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
