There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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