he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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