were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
