do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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