final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
