I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
