I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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