can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
