My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I want to make a zoo with you.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
