my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
