discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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