Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
