If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
