remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also, beer. Big fan.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
