Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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