Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
