Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
